The Eye Contact Dare: Three Seconds, Seven Days, No Panic

Dear Reader Who Looks at Shoes: this one is not a letter, it is an assignment, and I have been waiting to give it. Eye contact is the cheapest form of confidence on earth, and you have been dodging it as if it billed you monthly. The dare is simple. Three seconds, every day, for seven days, with no heroics and no panic.

Here is how to do it so it stays human. Look at the person's eyes while they speak or while you greet them, count a slow three, then look away downward and to the side, as if collecting a thought. Do not unblinkingly lock on, because that turns warmth into surveillance. Soft face, relaxed brow, a small hint of a smile around the corners.

Start with low-risk targets. Day one, the cashier. Day two, a colleague you like. Day three, the neighbor with the unreasonable dog. By the middle of the week your nervous system will have noticed that nothing terrible follows, and the dread will begin to shrink. By the weekend you can try it on someone you actually find attractive, and the first three seconds will be shaky, which is fine.

If your eyes dart away at second two, forgive yourself and try again later. This is a skill, like parallel parking, and the early attempts are always a little graceless. The point is not perfect performance but repetition. Each three-second look is a vote for the person you are becoming, and the votes add up faster than you think.

Keep a small tally in your phone, one line per day, and note what the other person did. Most of them smiled. When you have finished the week, come find my voice on TheFriend, where the glances linger a little longer and the stories take their time. Say This: "Hi, I'm Dan." (eyes up, three slow seconds, then breathe) Not That: "Hi, I'm Dan." (to a spot slightly left of her left ear) Confidence dare for the week: do the three-second hold once a day for seven days, and write down the face you got back.

More like this: see the virtual romance page.